Why Change is Scary and Quitting is Hard
Word of the Week: Change
Life Lesson:
I’ve recently changed my relationship with quitting. What does it even mean to quit something, really?
Let me explain. The hard-working, overachiever I’ve always been taught to be—praised to be—prided herself on never being a quitter. If I couldn’t figure something out or something didn’t come naturally, it just meant I double-downed on my efforts. It was like a game. The more challenged I felt, the harder I worked to not only do the thing, but do it well. Better than anyone else. Who was I trying to prove myself to? My parents? My teachers? My friends? Society? Myself?
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Fast forward to April-ish of this year when I was not doing well. Being in NYC during the pandemic made me feel trapped, sad, lonely, anxious, depressed and all the things. All the magic and parts of NYC that used to bring me joy, vanished overnight. As much as I wanted to hope that things would change, that the NYC I loved would come back, that I would be able to “change my attitude” and make the most out of a universally shitty situation, I eventually had to look myself in the mirror and admit that I was unhappy here, that this place was making me feel unhappy.
It’s hard to admit when something is making us unhappy, isn’t it? Like it’s some kind of weakness, like we didn’t try hard enough, like we are *gasp* quitters. I think that’s why change can feel so scary. I don’t actually think it’s change itself that we are afraid of. I think it’s coming clean with ourselves that something about our current reality doesn’t match our expectations of what we wanted to happen and that’s what feels so bad. It’s the disappointment that sucks.
“I feel like I’m giving up,” I said as I broke the news to my best friend that we were moving. “But, it’s like, the world turned upside down overnight, everything changed and now I have to make a different decision. I’m not just going to stay here and be miserable just because I told myself I would. Fuck that. I’m done sticking things out.”
Once we can accept things as they are and honor any feelings of disappointment that come with that realization, change becomes the doorway to freedom.
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Ask Yourself: What in my life am I “sticking out,” even though my heart knows it’s time to move on?
Weekly Mantra: I give myself permission to quit what doesn’t spark joy.
When in Doubt, Jam It Out!
Running Out by Matoma, Astrid S (Follow the Spotify playlist “Jam it Out with Elizabeth” to stay up-to-date with the weekly tunes 🎵)
Things I Think You’ll Love:
This delightful, yummy three-minute face massage is the perfect way to start your week on the right foot!
Bonus:
Access your subscriber-exclusive August journal guide! Bring it to your next (virtual) book club, girls’ night in or weekend getaway. Post a pic and tag us @heyelizabethsu so we can cheer you on!
Much love to you!
xo,
Elizabeth
Described by readers as “a bubbly, confident, wise, kind older sister,” Monday Vibes is a personal growth newsletter that brings a cozy, slumber-party feel to some of life’s hardest challenges. Monday Vibes is a safe and inclusive community to explore the wonderful and messy parts about being human.
