Remember how we thought a healing journey was just about crystals and journaling? (Lol) Welp, let’s be real: healing is not the glamorous, glittery thing it’s made out to be on Instagram. Sometimes it just feels like one long, exhausting game of emotional whack-a-mole. You think you’ve finally “learned the lesson”, aha! boundaries! And then boom, you’re back in a toxic relationship, accidentally agreeing to work unpaid overtime, or sitting through a family dinner where your inner child is silently screaming. 

And just when you think you’ve got a grip, along come the wellness gurus and spiritual influencers with another 25 things to add to your “becoming your highest self” checklist. Suddenly, you’re spiraling through a rabbit hole of morning routines, moon water, breathwork apps, and wondering why the hell you’re crying while trying to journal next to a salt lamp. It’s a lot. 🫠

Somewhere along the way, healing started to feel like another version of the rat race. Women have been sold the idea that if we just optimize hard enough, meditate long enough, and drink the right green juice, we’ll finally arrive at this mythical place called Wholeness™.

Ultimately, healing doesn’t have a finish line. There’s no trophy. No certificate of completion. It’s just a lifelong, spirally, beautiful mess of unlearning, becoming, falling apart, and laughing at yourself in the middle of it all. The last part is key… maybe joy and humor are the secret ingredients we’ve been overlooking. 

Instead of trying to self-improve your way to enlightenment, ask yourself: What parts of self-care and healing feel good to you? What do you enjoy? Perhaps you dislike meditation, but feel totally at ease after a pole dancing class. Maybe you can’t stand green juice, but making a million batches of homemade kimchi lights you up inside. Maybe the most radical act of healing is taking a nap while everyone else is out there “crushing it.” 

You simply can’t shame yourself into loving who you are. And you don’t have to suffer to heal. Sometimes, the best types of self-care and healing involve getting out of our heads and into our bodies. 

Healing is messy, chaotic, awkward, and deeply human. And the more we can infuse it with joy, humor, and a little bit of “whatever works,” the more real and sustainable it becomes. There is no perfect way to heal, set boundaries, or become the best version of ourselves. 

The Pitfalls of Branded Wellness

The reality is that our society is profiting off people’s insecurities and their desire to improve themselves. And while that’s uncomfortable to admit, it’s also part of a broader cultural trend that often encourages spiritual bypassing or skipping the real, messy emotional work in favor of looking or sounding “healed.” The danger isn’t just in the commodification of healing; it’s that we end up outsourcing our inner lives. We let others tell us who we are, what to wear, how to act, and what we should feel, replacing self-trust with conformity and obedience.

Take the phrase “Good Vibes Only.” This mindset pushes aside feelings like anger or jealousy, emotions that are not only natural but essential for personal growth and especially important for women, who are often socially conditioned to suppress them. 

Healing was never meant to be a brand, a destination, or an aesthetic. It’s not linear or pretty. It’s crying one day, laughing the next, and sometimes just eating snacks in bed while trying to make sense of things. The goal isn’t perfection. The goal is presence. By allowing ourselves to feel, even the so-called “bad” emotions fully, we begin the real work of healing. Not to become optimized, but to become whole.

Los Angeles Times | Elizabeth Su & Yao Xiao

Op-comic: ‘Good vibes only’ or just buying more junk? A self-care quiz

When Healing Becomes Another Hustle

We live in a world that turns everything into a self-improvement project, even our pain. Therapy? Amazing. Inner child work? Super important. Boundaries, journaling, somatic practices, shadow work? All fantastic stuff (that I completely believe in and support). But somewhere along the line, healing stopped being about actually feeling better… and started feeling more like a full-time job with weekly check-ins and zero PTO.

There’s a quiet pressure to heal the “right” way – quickly, efficiently, and ideally in a way that looks good on Instagram. Have a breakdown? *Cool, just make sure the breakthrough comes quickly, accompanied by a profound quote from your trauma-informed coach and a lovely photo of your matcha in a handmade mug*.

That’s not healing, that’s perfectionism disguised as something we think is helping us. And it’s exhausting. Instead of letting ourselves fall apart, we give ourselves another list of things to do. It turns into another performance. Another set of rules. Healing isn’t something we’re supposed to master. It’s something we move through. And driving through it means having weird days, mixed feelings, and moments where you’re not your “highest self”, just your tired, overstimulated, doing-the-best-you-can self. Healing isn’t linear. It’s not polished. And it doesn’t always match your vision board.

You Don’t Have To Make Healing A Performance

Healing isn’t meant to be curated content. It’s not something you have to perform, perfect, or present to the world in a certain way. Remind yourself of these few things the next time you’re feeling like your personal journey needs to look a certain way: 

• You don’t need feather earrings, a sun salutation at dawn, or a perfectly color-coordinated altar to be spiritual.
• Crystals are cool, but they’re not essential. You don’t have to spend money (if you don’t want to) and buy new things to heal.
• Healing doesn’t require you to be aesthetically pleasing while doing it. If you find yourself constantly thinking about your next Instagram post or story, it’s probably time to unplug for a while.
• You don’t have to “do it right.” Don’t let anyone make you think there is an exact way to move through grief and emotions. Take as much time as you need and, most importantly, listen to your intuition.
• You’re allowed to be inconsistent. Growth doesn’t always look like steady progress; it often appears to be taking two steps back and learning something important in the process, too.

Let’s Talk About Laughing (Because It Helps)

The way society portrays healing or self-care often surrounds very deep topics, involves heavy unpacking, and usually a lot of tears. While that can all be true, laughing at yourself is one of the most underrated parts of healing. It’s not avoidance, it’s perspective. Humor is what reminds you, mid-spiral, that you’ve been here before and survived. We need to stop gatekeeping healing behind constant seriousness. Let humor be part of the process. Let weirdness in. Cry, sure, but also laugh at how deeply human this all is.

You’re still healing, even if you didn’t post about it. Even if you’re doing it while covered in dog hair, with three tabs open and a to-do list you’re ignoring. Healing isn’t about being your best self. It’s about being your honest self, even when you’re feeling a bit overwhelmed and feel personally attacked by Google Calendar reminders. 

Here are a few things I like to do whenever I feel like I’m in a rut of taking things too seriously:

1. Watch or listen to something ridiculous – Rewatch that one show that makes you cackle, or follow a podcast that specializes in humor. Laughter doesn’t have to be deep to be healing.

2. Revisit old journal entries – Not to judge, but to marvel at how dramatically you once reacted to minor inconveniences. Healing includes seeing your past self with both love and humor.

3. Send memes to your friends about your own life – Self-deprecating memes hit different when they’re also part of your growth. (Just like this one below)

4. Find the humor in your patterns – Once you notice them, they get funnier. (“Ah, yes, we’re ignoring texts again. Classic.”)

5. Celebrate your emotional spirals like weather reports – “Today’s forecast: 70% chance of overthinking, followed by scattered empowerment.”

Don’t Let Healing Be Something You Have to Buy

In a world where you can be sold anything, healing is now a lifestyle brand. There’s a whole economy built around your pain and your desire to feel better. And while there’s nothing wrong with wanting beautiful tools or investing in support, healing doesn’t have to come with a cart full of moon-charged water bottles, $80 candles, or courses promising transformation in 21 days. It’s more important that you stay true to yourself (and your budget) than fall into the trap of spiritual consumerism. Here’s how to stay grounded:

• Ask yourself: Is this helping me, or selling me an identity? If something brings peace, clarity, or joy, amazing. If it makes you feel like you’re not “doing it right” without it? Pause.
• Practice with what you have. Your healing can occur in messy notebooks, through free voice memos, or during silent walks.
• Watch for the pressure to “look” spiritual. You can be deeply connected to your growth without posting about it online. Be mindful of the pressure put on you from society to bare your soul to the world. It’s okay not to share and process things publicly, and honor your privacy.
• Remember: healing isn’t a subscription service. You don’t have to keep buying the next tool, crystal, course, or wellness product to stay “on track.” You’re allowed to just “be” in your process.
• Real healing isn’t always pretty. It’s not always curated or calm. Some days, you won’t be a great friend or a supportive partner, but that’s okay. Give yourself permission to not have your sh*t together, as part of your healing process. 
• Don’t confuse consumption with connection. Buying a ritual kit doesn’t replace building your own relationship with what’s sacred to you.

Let’s Lighten Up (While Still Doing the Work)

Yes, healing is deep. But it’s also just… human. And humans are sometimes ridiculous. We contradict ourselves. We say, “I’ve been working on this in therapy,” and then do the same old thing like it’s muscle memory. We self-sabotage, then Google “how to stop self-sabotaging” while procrastinating on fixing the actual problem. We spiral, send dramatic texts, and then pretend nothing happened. We mean well, but we’re still learning.

So let’s make space for all of it, the growth and the mess, the insight and the impulse. Let’s keep doing the work, but also let ourselves laugh, stumble, backtrack, and not take it all so seriously. Healing isn’t a final exam. You don’t get extra credit for doing it a certain way.

Because maybe the most healing thing of all is realizing you can be a total work in progress, forgetting your coping tools, occasionally unhinged, spiraling by noon, and still worthy of love, rest, softness, and a really good laugh while you figure it out.