May 11, 2020
Word of the Week: Space
Tis the season of shadow work, amirite?
I’ve been exceptionally grumpy, wallowing in a sea of self-pity, scrolling on Instagram, fuming, thinking people are trying to suck on purpose. I think to myself, must be nice to have…
A car to pick up groceries in
A car to go further than around the block
A car to give yourself the comfort that, if the world collapses tomorrow, you’ll be able to escape
Stairs. Can’t a girl just have some stairs? (Apartment complexes don’t count)
More than one bathroom
A working dishwasher
An office with four walls
Heck, two offices with four walls
A big-screen TV
A Peloton bike
A Peloton treadmill
Actually, I’d take even a shitty piece of cardio equipment
Peace and quiet
Some type of respite from all of the sirens and ambulances and helicopters
Mountains to climb
Forests to roam in
Grass to lie on
Grass to put your bare feet on
Grass that only you put your bare feet on
A swimming pool
A hot tub
Access to the ocean
A nearby lake
All I want is some fresh air.
The air feels so stale here in NYC. I feel trapped. Like I can’t breathe, like I’m suffocating, drowning, a caged animal. People I trust tell me this is normal. Primal. A response that is expected when you are in survival mode. Fight or flight. I’m in full-on flight mode. I want to get the hell out here with every fiber of my being. To run away. Anywhere. Somewhere that isn’t here.
Must be nice…
When I start to tear people down in my mind, I know it’s time to take a break. From social media. From talking to other people. From people in general. I told a friend the other day that I was thinking of going on a people detox. I said: “You know, because I hate everyone right now.” She said: “Yep, me too.” Maybe we’ll do the detox together.
Sometimes that happens. Sometimes you hate everyone. It’s not that you actually hate everyone. But you are so deep inside your struggle that even the most innocent picture of your best friend eating dinner on her back patio or your old neighbor playing outside with their toddler makes your skin crawl with envy.
It’s all okay. Envy is okay. Feeling grumpy is okay. Having a pity party is okay. Not being okay is okay. Needing space is okay.
Remember, tomorrow is another day.
Ask Yourself: Where in your life could you use a little extra space? How would creating more space allow you to honor all of your emotions – especially the dark ones – in a more loving way?
Weekly Mantra: All of my emotions are okay.