April 27, 2020
Word of the Week: Faith
I don’t do well with uncertainty. I much prefer things to be in my control. To plan. Over-plan. Rehearse things in my head. Analyze. Think. Solve. Fix. Plan some more. This is my natural state of being.
There came a point, though, when I realized my struggles with uncertainty were killing me. I struggled with anorexia. Workaholism. Overachieving. People-pleasing. Anxiety. Insomnia. Burnout.
As I began to heal my fear of uncertainty, a byproduct of perfectionism, something strange and foreign started to take its place: faith.
Faith that things would work out
Faith that I would make good decisions
Faith that I could course-correct if I didn’t end up liking my decision
Faith that there were no right or wrong answers
Faith in the people around me
Faith in my intuition
Faith that there was a greater plan for me
Faith that there was only so much I could do. Plan. Control.
As my faith started to grow, my fear of uncertainty started to dissipate. Don’t get me wrong. I’m still terrified of uncertainty. But it doesn’t rule my life like it used to.
Perfectionism literature says there are three ways perfectionism shows up in our lives:
If you take one look around us right now, it’s clear we are not only dealing with a physical health crisis but a mental health one as well. We are a society that is sick with perfectionism. Sick with the desire to control – ourselves, each other, things that are completely unknown. We don’t know how to surrender. How to have faith.
Faith doesn’t mean absolving personal responsibility.
Faith doesn’t mean sitting back and hoping for the best.
Faith doesn’t mean apathy.
Faith means knowing that you can do all the “right” things and life still may not go the way you want. It means accepting that there is only so much you can do. Accepting that you cannot possibly know all the answers and steps to take, no matter how much research and planning and analyzing you do. Accepting that control is an illusion.
Ask Yourself: How comfortable am I with uncertainty? What do I need to feel safe and supported right now?
Weekly Mantra: I can only control so much.
When in Doubt, Jam It Out! Alive by Klingande (Be sure to follow the Spotify playlist called “Jam it Out with Elizabeth” to stay up-to-date with the weekly jams)
Things I Think You’ll Love:
“strong flower” by Cleo Wade