July 20, 2020
Word of the Week: Discernment
At the end of last year, I signed up for a year-long mentorship program that really excited me. I was convinced that it would be the thing to take my business to the next level. A few weeks into the program, I started to doubt it. If I’m being honest with myself, these doubts started creeping in on the very first group call. If I’m being really honest with myself, even the sales process felt a bit icky.
But, for some reason, I didn’t pick up on the red flags until months into the program. Maybe I did pick up on the red flags, but I didn’t allow myself to see the red flags for what they were. There was a part of me—my ego, let’s be real—that didn’t want to see the truth. I wanted so badly for it to work out how I had planned in my head. I didn’t want to admit to myself that the program wasn’t at all what I thought it would be. I didn’t want to admit to myself that I had just sunk a ton of money into something that made me miserable.
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How did I decide to address the situation? By setting boundaries, of course! I began watching the replays of the training instead of joining them live to avoid getting triggered. I skipped entire training sessions that didn’t resonate. I stopped asking questions. I distanced myself from the teachers who belittled me. I convinced myself that I was learning important lessons.
“They aren’t the lessons I want to learn,” I’d tell my friends. “But I’m learning a lot, that’s for sure.”
The biggest lesson I kept telling people I was learning surrounded discernment. I told people I was learning how to discern what material to pay attention, whose advice to listen to, which opinions mattered and that even mentors were imperfect.
“I don’t have to agree with everyone,” I kept saying. “I don’t need people to understand me.”
After months of this “boundary-setting” and “Universe-testing,” I had a new thought: What if the lesson was complete?
This whole lesson thing is one of the trickiest parts about being a (recovering) overachiever on the spiritual path. We endure suffering in the name of a “spiritual lesson.” Sure, some lessons are painful to learn. But pain itself doesn’t need to be the lesson. Discernment on the spiritual path doesn’t ask us “how much pain can I tolerate?” but “what’s causing me pain so I can get the hell out?”
Ask Yourself: How can you protect your energy this week?
Weekly Mantra: I am allowed to say no to what doesn’t serve me.
When in Doubt, Jam It Out!
Things I Think You’ll Love:
Everything JP Sears creates leaves me crying with laughter. How Spiritual People Fight is one of my faves. He nails how ridiculous it is sometimes to be on the spiritual path, how the ego will always find ways to interject and twist things around for its own benefit. This path is too difficult to travel without some humor along the way.
Looking for some ways to cope these days? Take a peek at my latest on Talkspace: “Finding the Positive in the Coronavirus Outbreak,” where I share the scientific benefits of spending more time with your spouse, your adult kids, plus a cute story about what one wise teenager is learning about compassion.
P.S. I’m excited to share that we’ve changed my domain from elizabeth-su.com to elizabethsu.com (I’ve waited four years for this moment)! What does this mean for you? Well, the first couple Monday Vibes emails might look like spam to your email server, so you’ll need to whitelist the new domain. I know it’s annoying but it’ll be worth the two seconds so you can still receive Monday Vibes!
Here’s what to do (I recommend flagging this email or putting these instructions in a calendar invite for yourself next Monday, July 27). Next week, double-check your spam or promo folder to locate your Monday Vibes email, and then follow these steps:
Cheering you on this week as you flex your discernment muscles!
[Featured Image: @petrabraunillustration]