“Do you ever wonder why it is that your healing digs up more despair, triggers, loneliness, and shame? It’s because you’ve found the very areas where the work needs to happen. That’s your roadmap. It’s in those dark places that true and sustainable work thrive.”
—Dr. Mariel Buqué

 

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#REALTALK

Mixed Emotions on My Birthday: I turned 33 in April (where are all of my fellow Aries at!?) and it brought up a lot of mixed emotions. I felt:

💛 Grateful – for this body, my hubs, the gift of peace, quiet, sunshine, and birds

🦋 Disappointment – for the people who have come in and out of my life

🌼 Imposter syndrome – for the things I thought I’d accomplish by now

🌱 Freedom – for having jobs that allow us to travel and create the life we want

💛 Nostalgia – for times when birthdays were simpler, friends weren’t as busy, and I didn’t worry about being “too much”

🦋 Love – for all the beautiful humans who surround me

🌼 Anxiety – for not knowing where we’ll settle, when we’ll have kids, if we can have kids, if we’ll like having kids, if I’ll ever be the kind of person who settles down

🌱 Joy – for all the moments that make me smile

It got me thinking: What is your relationship with your birthday? How do you nurture yourself during these moments of mixed emotions?

Love Note from my Higher Self: I took a manifesting course last month, and one of the exercises was to write a note to my current self from my Higher Self. It’s been a while since I’ve done something like this but I gotta say, it felt really nice. Here’s an excerpt of what I wrote:

Dear Self,
I know it’s hard right now, not knowing where you and Andrew will end up, when you’ll have kids, what your financial future will look like and all the things—it’s overwhelming and uncomfortable. Know that everything will work out exactly how it should. There’s not actually anything you need to do. I know it feels like a lot of important decisions need to be made right now, but the urgency is not real. There is enough time. Things will unfold for your highest good. The important thing to remember is there is no one right decision. You are resilient, bright, clever, and adaptable, you will find joy and peace wherever you go.

Notice what your body says, not your head. Trust that everything will work out, and nothing is permanent. We don’t have control over anything in the end. There is a master plan at work, and your job is to be receptive and surrender to the unknown so the transitions aren’t so violent and uncomfortable. Know that you are on a journey to WHOLENESS. It is not one of comfort. The discomfort doesn’t mean you are doing it wrong or you made the wrong decision. You will always be exactly where you are meant to be.

Repeat after me: I am exactly where I’m meant to be.

 

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AAPI Celebrations: H(er)story is made AGAIN! Chloé Zhao is the first woman of color (and second woman ever!) to win best director. Andrew and I watched Nomadland and were SHOOK. We so appreciated a film that documented what it’s like to live at the margins in America, how unforgiving this country is for so many. And also, how sacred ordinary moments of connection can be. This film made me sit with the illusion of the American Dream and the sacrifices you make to find happiness. Bravo Chloé Zhao!

WARM AND FUZZIES

Chipmunk Tik Tok

 

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I cannot get over how cute and wholesome this little chipmunk TikTok is, stuffing so many hazelnuts in its mouth! In a time when most of life feels overwhelming to me, I’ve been loving watching little creatures do their thing and remember we humans are just one piece of this giant cosmic puzzle.

OBSESSION OF THE WEEK

Boba Guys Bubble Tea Kit

 

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Andrew got me this v cute bubble tea kit for my birthday, and I am obsessed! Especially as we often travel to small mountain towns where boba isn’t a thing, it’s so fun to be able to have it whenever the craving strikes.

MONTHLY HAPPENINGS: FEATURES + EVENTS

Here’s Something Good Podcast: Feeling Burnt Out? There’s an Easy Cure for That

The Tad Project: (TAD) Talk About Depression

Bold Icons: No Going Back Series

🌼 I hope you all can slow down and smell those May flowers this month,

XO,

Elizabeth