Spring always feels like a nice reset button. The days start getting longer, the sun feels a little warmer, and the world slowly begins to wake up again. After months of “hibernation”, something within us all typically starts to shift. We begin to feel this urge, not just to clean out our closets or finally tackle that junk drawer, but to take stock of everything. Our lives, our hearts, and our relationships. Hello to spring cleaning your energy! 

Spring has this way of gently nudging us to stop and ask ourselves: What’s weighing me down? What am I still holding onto that I’ve maybe outgrown? There’s something about spring that naturally causes us to reflect. Just like we open windows to let the stale air out, spring reminds us to do the same internally. It’s the perfect moment to take inventory, not just of our closets and calendars, but also of our relationships. 

Friendships play a significant role in our lives; they affect how we feel, how we perceive ourselves, and even how we present ourselves in the world. That’s why it’s important to check in every now and then and ask: Are the people around me bringing out the best in me? Adult friendships aren’t always easy, but asking yourself a few honest questions can help you get clearer on how these relationships are making you feel and if they continue to fit into your life.

The truth is, just like we outgrow clothes, routines, or even places, we can also outgrow relationships. And that doesn’t mean something’s wrong, it just means we’re growing, changing, and becoming. Some friendships can withstand the natural ebs and flows of life, and others are there for just a season.

Be gentle with yourself as you navigate adult friendships, and remember that you’re not alone. We’re all trying to find the people who truly “get us,” and as our needs evolve, so do our friendships.

Growing Pains in Adulthood

One of the most complex parts of adulthood, and something no one prepares you for, is the constant shedding. We’re always saying quiet goodbyes: to old versions of ourselves and friendships, even close ones, that no longer align with who we’re becoming. It’s not easy. It can hurt. But it’s also necessary. Growth asks us to let go sometimes, even when we don’t feel ready.  In a world that’s obsessed with romantic love, where every movie, song, and social post is about soulmates and happy endings, we barely talk about the heartbreak that comes from losing a friend. Platonic love is real. It runs deep. And friendship break-ups can often hurt just as much, or even more, than a romantic break-up.

There’s no roadmap. No “10 Steps to Maintaining Friendships in Your 30s While Also Healing Generational Trauma, Being A Good Partner, Growing A Business, and Just Trying to Keep Your Shit Together.” So we do our best. Sometimes we hold on too tightly to friendships we’ve outgrown, simply because they’ve been around the longest. But outgrowing a friendship doesn’t always mean something dramatic happened. Sometimes it’s just a quiet shift, our values change, life moves in different directions, and suddenly we don’t connect the way we used to. Maybe the friendship is running on nostalgia more than anything real in the present. Perhaps it’s not mutual anymore, or we realize we don’t feel respected or seen. Or maybe we just don’t like who we are when we’re with them. Whatever it is, it’s okay to acknowledge when something that once fit so well just… doesn’t anymore. Outgrowing is part of growing, too. 

Figuring Out Which Friendships Are Right For You

Over the last few years, I’ve spent a lot of time sitting with my thoughts about the friendships in my life, more time than I probably ever expected to. In my twenties, I didn’t question much. I assumed that if someone had been in my life for a long time, they’d always be there. That history meant closeness. That consistency equaled connection. But somewhere along the way, I started feeling these quiet, persistent nudges to look a little closer. To really examine my relationships instead of just going through the motions. I started asking myself questions I had honestly been avoiding for a while:

• Which friends make me feel like the fullest version of myself, the version of me that I like being?
• Who do I feel most safe with, most relaxed around, like I can fully exhale when we’re together?
• Who do I leave feeling drained, tight in my chest, like I’ve just done emotional gymnastics just to keep the peace?
• Which friendships feel rooted in love and choice, and which ones feel like I’m just maintaining them out of guilt or habit?

Let me tell you, it’s not easy to sit with those answers. Some of them will shake you, and help you identify the people who no longer “see” you, or maybe never really did. It takes bravery to listen to the truth that comes up and make space for something better.

Learning to Release Friendships

One of the hardest, but also most freeing lessons I’ve learned is that not every friendship is meant to last forever. Some friendships come into our lives to help us grow, to reflect something to us, or to teach us a hard lesson. Others, the rare, grounding, soul-aligned ones, are the people who grow with you. The ones who evolve alongside you, not despite your growth, but because of it.

Letting go of a friendship, especially one with history or one that helped you survive tough times, can feel a lot like grief. It is grief. However, grief often gives way to clarity. It enables you to see yourself more clearly. It helps you stop bending and twisting to keep people in your life who aren’t good for your heart. It reminds you that love doesn’t have to come at the cost of your peace. That being a “good friend” doesn’t mean staying silent about the things that hurt you.

Take time to remind yourself:

• You don’t have to sacrifice your peace to keep people around.
  
• You don’t have to tone yourself down to be lovable.
  
• You don’t have to overextend yourself just to prove your worth.
  

If someone only values you when you’re easy, agreeable, or never say “no,” then that’s not friendship, that’s a performance. And you deserve so much more than that.

The more I let go of the need to be liked by everyone, the more honest my friendships have become. I don’t have it all figured out. I’m still learning, unlearning, and navigating, but I do know this: life is too short to keep pouring into relationships that leave you empty. You deserve friendships where you don’t have to earn your place, where you’re allowed to grow and change. Where being your whole, honest self is more than enough.

Setting Boundaries (and Holding Them)

Right now, I’m in a season of setting boundaries and holding them, something I’ve learned is an entirely different beast. Setting the boundary is hard. Enforcing it? Even harder. Boundaries can feel confrontational. They can make people uncomfortable. They can change the dynamic. And not everyone will receive your boundaries with grace. But that doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong. It means you’re honoring your worth.

Sometimes it’s hard to speak up in the moment, especially when the person you’re dealing with is in a position of power, like a family member, a manager, or even a long-time friend who’s always “called the shots.” What matters most is that we find a way, through words and actions, to say, “This is not okay with me.” Let this spring season be a time of gentle courage. A time to lovingly release what no longer fits, and to make space for what does.

Here are a few practical tips for setting boundaries in your friendships:

1. Start with clarity – Know what you need before you communicate it.
   
2. Use “I” statements – Speak from your experience rather than placing blame.
   
3. Be consistent – Boundaries lose power when they aren’t followed through.
   
4. Notice the response – Respectful friends will listen and adjust. Others may resist, and that tells you everything you need to know.
   
5. Don’t apologize for protecting your peace. Ever.

How Milestones Shape Our Friendships

One of the more complicated aspects of adult friendships is how they change when life gets real: weddings, bachelorette parties, babies, career pivots, cross-country moves, loss, healing, and all the other significant milestones that shape who we become.

These moments can bring joy, celebration, and deeper connection, but they can also uncover unspoken tension, unmet expectations, and, at times, real heartbreak. I’ve learned that just because we love someone doesn’t always mean we know how to support them in every season. And just because we’re celebrating something beautiful ourselves doesn’t mean our friends always know how to meet us there.

When I’ve gone through significant life transitions, whether planning something exciting, facing something vulnerable, or simply growing into a new chapter, I’ve found myself asking:

• Who shows up for me without needing the spotlight?
  
• Who can celebrate me without making it about them?
  
• Who holds space for the messy, imperfect parts of this season?
  

Sometimes the people you expected to be there aren’t. And sometimes the people who do show up surprise you in the best way. That can be beautiful… and it can also really hurt.

Big life moments have a way of revealing the truth about our friendships. They show us which connections feel mutual and grounded, and which ones may have been built more on convenience than depth. And that doesn’t make anyone the villain. It just means your lives might be moving in different directions.

Here’s what I’m still learning:

• Communication is everything. We can’t expect people to show up for us in the right way if we’re not clear about what we need.
  
• Not everyone will “get it”—and that’s okay. If you’re the first or last in your circle to go through a major life shift, it might feel lonely. But your people will find you. Some of them might already be in your life, you just haven’t leaned into them yet.
  
• It’s okay to say no. If you’re not in a season where you can emotionally or financially commit to someone’s big moment, honesty is better than silent resentment. Real friendships can hold that kind of truth.
  
• Your needs are allowed to evolve. Just because someone was your go-to in one chapter doesn’t mean they’ll hold that same role in the next. That doesn’t erase the love; it just means things are shifting.
  

Whether you’re in the spotlight, on the sidelines, or somewhere in between, life’s significant transitions have a way of either bringing people closer or gently showing us what’s no longer aligned. And both outcomes deserve to be met with compassion. Adult friendship isn’t always about staying close forever. Sometimes it’s about allowing space, honoring the change, and finding new ways to love and respect each other, however that might look now.

Outgrowing Adult Friendships

As we move deeper into this new season, I hope you give yourself the space to slow down and truly listen to your body, energy, and heart. You don’t need anyone else’s permission to take inventory of your life. You don’t need a dramatic falling out to outgrow a friendship quietly. And you don’t need to feel guilty for choosing peace, clarity, and alignment over obligation and discomfort.

The truth is, the relationship you have with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship in your life. So if you’re feeling that gentle nudge to release what no longer fits, whether it’s a friendship, a role you’ve been playing, or an outdated version of yourself, know that it’s safe to let go.

Give yourself grace as you sort through what stays and what goes. Some things will fall away with ease, others will hurt more than you expected. But with every release, you’re making space for friendships that feel mutual, for conversations that feel safe, for a life that feels like yours.

This season, let your friendships reflect the version of yourself you’re becoming, not the version you’ve outgrown.

You’re allowed to grow. You’re allowed to change. And you’re allowed to create a life with friends who support who you are becoming.

Let’s keep choosing truth over comfort, connection over convenience, and authenticity over approval. I’m right there with you.

We’ve got this. 🌸

P.S. If you want a fun way to connect with your friends on a deeper level, shop The Adventure Tarot here!